Day 8 of Chapter 1

Lately, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, and what I’ve discovered has left me feeling both liberated and unsettled. I’ve come to realize something about myself that I know won’t sit well with everyone, but the truth is, I don’t really think I'm ready to believe in true love, soulmates, or fate again. 

It’s not that I’ve never believed or that I try not to believe. I’ve entertained the idea of fairytale endings, of serendipitous meetings, and of the one person meant for me. But the more I think about it, the less I can accept those notions as truth. To me, love often feels like a construct—a patchwork of expectations and projections that we’re taught to uphold. And the idea of soulmates? It feels too neatly packaged for the messy, unpredictable lives we actually live.

I honestly think detachment needs to continue to be my theme for 2025. It’s not because I’m bitter or cynical. I’m not carrying heartbreak or resentment as a banner. It’s simply because I’ve realized I’m not ready for the weight of commitment—any kind of commitment beyond friendship. I thought I was. I told myself I was, that I wanted the stability, the romance, the shared dreams. But the truth? I really think I was fooling myself.

I’ve been forcing puzzle pieces to fit where they don’t belong. I’ve wanted to see permanence where there was only fleeting connection. I have been suddenly ghosted by someone I thought I was building with, I fell hard for someone who couldn't love me back, I've been love bombed by strangers I've never met, I've even been relentlessly pursued by a married man. Those are hard truths to admit. It feels raw and exposed to say thay I’ve been swimming in a cesspool and I'm lying to myself. But it’s also freeing.

The world teaches us to chase certain things—love, marriage, partnership—as markers of a successful life. But what if success looks different for me? What if, at least for now, success means walking my own path without tying my identity to another person?

I know this perspective will hurt some feelings. There are people in my life who believe wholeheartedly in love and in the inevitability of finding the one. For those people, my views might come across as dismissive, even cold. But this isn’t about negating their beliefs. It’s about owning my truth.

This year, I’m choosing myself—not as an act of selfishness, but as an act of honesty. I’m not ready for the promises or compromises that love demands. Maybe one day I will be. Or maybe I won’t. Either way, it’s okay.

For now, I’m content to let go of the scripts and embrace the uncertainty of not knowing what’s next. There’s beauty in detachment, in simply being, and in trusting that whatever happens will happen on its own terms—not because of fate, but because of choice.

To anyone reading this: Thank you for understanding, even if you don’t agree. This journey is mine to take, one step at a time.

🫰🫂🫖 - JustRealTea