Love, Loss, and the Maze of Dating Again...
Re-entering the world of dating after trauma feels like navigating a maze blindfolded, with trust issues and abandonment fears lurking in every corner. There’s no map, no compass, just a whisper of hope and a heart that’s been stitched together so many times it barely resembles what it once was.
Do I want love? Of course, I do. I think we all do, deep down. But do I believe it’s truly out there for me? Not really. That’s the hard truth I grapple with. My history has taught me that love is often one-sided—either I want what I can't have, someone clings too tightly, or I’m discarded without a second thought. Some come back, realizing too late what they’ve lost. Others just vanish and/or never look back at all. It’s a cycle I know too well, and it’s left me hesitant, guarded, and a little more cynical than I care to admit.
I’ve made an “impossible” list of what I want, but I don’t know if it’s truly impossible or if I’m just protecting myself with expectations so high no one could ever meet them. I want every box checked: love languages understood and appreciated, fireworks and my own happily-ever-after, the kind of connection that feels both profound and effortless. But even as I write this, I know I’m not actively seeking it, and I'd probably just sabotage it anyways.
The truth is, I could be staring love right in the face and still convince myself it’s not meant for me. Why? Because until someone sets my soul on fire, convinces me and claims me—publicly, privately, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually—I’ll keep doing what I'm doing...and minding my business. I need to feel seen, chosen, and cherished in every way that matters. I refuse to settle for anything less ever again.
For now, I exist in this in-between space. I want love, but I don’t trust it. I crave connection, but I fear abandonment. It’s a delicate balance, a dance of self-protection and vulnerability that often leaves me feeling like I’m spinning in circles.
Dating, for me, isn’t just about finding someone who meets the criteria; it’s about finding someone who understands the depth of my scars and loves me not despite them but because of the strength they represent. Until that happens—until someone matches my energy and makes me believe in love again—I’ll remain here, focused on my own growth, healing, and happiness.
Because at the end of the day, I’ve definitely learned that love starts within. It’s not easy, and it’s far from linear, but it’s the foundation I need before I can ever truly let someone else in again.
🫰🫂🫖
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Thank you for sharing how you feel—it's amazing that you’re open and willing to express yourself so deeply. That being said, I think it’s important to recognize that truly getting to know someone takes time, patience, and shared experiences. Online conversations might be a beautiful start, but it’s just the surface of who we are and what a potential connection might look like.
Right now, you seem to be in a place where you're prioritizing your healing, your growth, and understanding what you truly need in a partner. And I think that's an amazing place to be.
I appreciate your words and the sentiment behind them, but I believe partnerships are built through mutual understanding and time, not just a feeling. 🦅🪶TJ