Abandonment has always been one of my deepest wounds. It lingers in the back of my mind, whispering that I am disposable, that people leave because I am not enough. When you've been hurt over and over, your mind starts searching for patterns, trying to protect you from more pain. I’ve caught myself bracing for impact, assuming that any change in energy, any moment of distance, is a sign that someone is about to walk away.
For so long, I tied my worth to who stayed. If someone chose me, I must be valuable. If they left, I must have failed in some way. It’s a dangerous belief, one that keeps me stuck in cycles of self-doubt and fear. But the truth is, not everyone leaves. And even when they do, it’s not always about me.
People walk away for their own reasons—some I’ll never understand. Sometimes it’s about timing. Sometimes it’s about their own struggles. And yes, sometimes it’s about me, but not in the way my fears tell me. Not because I was unworthy, not because I wasn’t enough. People are allowed to make choices, and those choices do not determine my value.
It’s a hard lesson, one I have to remind myself of constantly. But when I look back, I see something undeniable—I have survived every loss. I have felt the weight of abandonment press down on me, and yet, I am still here. I am still standing, still loving, still choosing to open my heart despite the risks.
Healing doesn’t mean I won’t ever feel the sting of someone leaving. It means I no longer let it define me. I am learning that my worth isn’t dependent on who stays or who goes. I am valuable simply because I am.
So I keep working on it, challenging the voice that tells me I’m disposable. I remind myself that I am whole, even if others don’t choose me. That I am enough, even when I feel abandoned. And one day, maybe, the fear of being left behind won’t feel so heavy. One day, maybe, I won’t carry it at all.
🫰❣️🫖 JRT
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Oh yes, I understand abandonment very well. I know those voices—the ones that whisper that I’m disposable, unwanted, and unneeded. That no matter what I do, it’ll never be enough. But you are enough—at least from my perspective. You bring depth, heart, and meaning, even when doubt tries to tell you otherwise.
I try never to walk away unless I’m pushed away—unless someone makes it clear there’s no space for me in their life. And yet, even knowing that, the cycles of self-doubt and fear still creep in. It’s hard not to brace for the worst when the past has taught us to expect it.
But we keep going. We keep choosing to love, trust, and fight against that fear because deep down, we know the truth: we are not disposable. We are not less because someone else fails to see our worth. We are enough, just as we are.