My Notes app holds the things I’ll likely never have the courage to say. Half-formed thoughts, confessions from my soul, and raw emotions I'll probably never bring myself to share out loud. Some are messages I'm too afraid to send—words that feel too vulnerable, too messy, or too much. Others are thoughts I can barely admit to myself, let alone another person.
There are pages filled with my confusion, where I try to untangle emotions I don’t fully understand. The moments when I second-guess everything, when I feel too much or not enough, when I wonder if I’m doing this whole "life" thing right. Late-night ramblings asking "Why do I feel like this?" or trying to make sense of people, of love, of my own heart.
Then there are the deeply personal truths—the ones I want so badly to say but never do. Maybe because the timing is off, or maybe because I'm scared of what the reaction might be. "This hurt me more than you realize." "I miss you, but I don’t know if I should." "I really do love you." Simple words, but heavy with meaning, stuck in the purgatory of my phone screen.
Some of my unsent messages are full of warmth, things I wish I had told people while I had the chance. A reminder to someone that they matter to me. A thank you I never fully expressed. A memory I wanted to share but never found the right moment to bring up. And then, of course, there are the things I wrote in anger or heartbreak, desperate to release the emotions somewhere, but knowing they would do more harm than good if spoken aloud.
I wonder how different my life might look if I had sent even a handful of these notes. If just one of those confessions had reached the right person at the right time. Would things have changed? Would I have felt lighter, freer, more understood? Or did these words serve their purpose just by existing—by allowing me to feel them fully, even if no one else ever sees them?
For now, they remain locked away, silent witnesses to every version of me—past and present. Maybe some of them will stay unsent forever. Or maybe, one day, I’ll find the courage to say exactly what’s on my mind.
🫰❣️🫖 JRT
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