Page 30 of Chapter 1

The truth is, I’ve seldom been given the chance to be soft, to relax, or to relinquish control. Since I was a little girl, I’ve been thrust into a role that demanded I stay in control, to be the one others could rely on. While I’ve excelled in leadership, managing responsibilities and expectations, what I truly desire is something beyond sovereignty. I want the freedom to float, to let go of the weight, and to trust someone else for a change.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the one others turn to—the one who holds everything together, the one who carries the load. But in doing so, I’ve rarely had anyone to rely on myself. Over the years, I’ve learned to be independent, to shoulder burdens alone, and while I’ve done it with strength, I’ve longed for something more. I want the kind of security that comes from knowing someone will be there—unwavering and loyal, ready to catch me when I fall. I want to feel the freedom of being able to drift, to lose myself in the arms of someone I trust completely.

But right now, I am in my “me era.” It’s a time for self-reflection, growth, and embracing the independence I’ve fought so hard to build. I’m not rushing to find someone or seeking anything from anyone. I’ve worked too hard to carve out a life that feels peaceful and whole. For now, I’m focused on myself—on healing, growing, and understanding my own worth. And if I’m honest, it’s going to take extreme patience and the right kind of chemistry to pull me out of this phase.

I’m not interested in rushing into anything, nor do I expect anything from the friendships I make. Right now, what matters most to me is a strong foundation of friendship. Real, honest connection built on mutual respect, shared experiences, and an understanding of each other’s boundaries. Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean it will amount to something more. The beauty of friendship lies in the connection itself, not in forcing it to be something it’s not. If something more develops in the future, it will be because we’ve built something solid, something that can stand the test of time. I won’t settle for anything less.

I’m still broken, and I know that. I’ve been through so much that it’s impossible to pretend I’m not still healing. But even in my brokenness, I have a glimpse of what the future could look like—a future where love and reciprocation exist. I see the potential for something real, but only when the time is right, and only when the right person comes along. I’ve learned that it’s not about forcing things to happen—it’s about allowing them to unfold naturally, when the foundation is strong enough to support it.

It’s going to be someone extraordinary that meets me where I am, that uunderstands my independence, my need for space, and the depth of my loyalty. That person will need to be patient, because I won’t rush into anything. They will need to match my energy, to offer the same kind of devotion, loyalty, and respect that I give so freely to others. I know I deserve reciprocation—someone who is willing to give what I give, who can offer the same loyalty and love in return. But I also know that person won’t just appear out of nowhere. It will take time, LOTS of time and I’m in no hurry.

For now, I will focus on building strong friendships, on developing meaningful connections that stand on their own. I won’t settle for anything less than what I deserve, and I will take the time I need to heal, grow, and become the person I’m meant to be. When the right person does come along, I will be ready. I will be ready for the love and reciprocation I’ve longed for, when the time is right, and when the right person can meet me with the same energy, the same commitment, and the same deep understanding. Until then, I am content in my “me era”—focused, healing, and trusting that when the time comes, the future will hold everything I deserve.

❣️🤟🫖 JRT

🎨 Art Credit: Raven Shaolin Bluefeather